Recently, I moved from Australia to New York City. It was, and still is, incredibly scary and challenging. While I knew a handful of people, they were scattered between Manhattan and New Jersey, and most were friends of a friend- not my own connections. I didn’t want to pity-invited along to any event. In a city  of 8 million people, it doesn’t seem like it would be difficult to find, and make, friends but it was, and it wasn’t long before I started to feel a little bit isolated and consider a life where my only friends in the city would be the raccoons in Central Park.

Raccoons, and possible rabies, aside, I knew I had to do something about this feeling of disconnect from society, or I’d end up a lonely spinster in arguably one of the greatest cities in the world, known for its vivid social scene.

So I got to work. Thinking about how I’d made friends in my previous, Australian life, it dawned on me that not all of my best and closest friendships had been formed at school or work places- the two places I assumed were the time-honoured friend-making scenes. So, I put together a list of ways  to meet great friends in my new city.  Here are some things that worked for me:

Meetups

I discovered that going along to meet ups for something you’re interested in or passionate about is a great way to meet people. Not only are you mingling with other living, breathing hominids, but you’re also meeting people with similar interests to you, and because you have an inbuilt convo starter, you don’t need to make small talk about the local sports team or the unseasonable weather we’ve been having lately.

Book or Movie Review Clubs

Similar to meet ups, a book club or movie review club is a great way to meet people because you’re forced to not be a wallflower and to participate in the conversation. Maybe you’ll find your next bestie after you both give 50 Shades of Grey withering reviews, and bond over your shared highlighting of all the naughty parts in the book- (the only parts worth reading). The other benefit to making friends at things like this is that you’re still keeping up with your passions and hobbies. You get to keep your interests and make friends.

Helping people

Take a look around you, is someone struggling with a map or a Metrocard? Give them a hand. It won’t take much time and maybe you’re catching the same train, so you’ll have some time to chat.

This is exactly how I made a friend from Boston, after witnessing him struggle with the ticketing machine and offering my assistance.

Even if you don’t make a lifelong friend, you’ll feel good for helping someone and you’ll become well-practiced at approaching people, and with this comes confidence- good practice for more new friends!

Co-working spaces

I use a co-working space and I witnessed the blossoming of a new friendship right before my eyes recently.

Dan was casually working away at a desk in an open spaced area shared with others when Al, the eagle eye, spots some kind of gaming-card deck, the name of which is unknown to me, and asks Dan if he can “check out his deck”. Dan responds in the positive and the next twenty minutes they were dedicated to talking about the game, the styles they played and where. At the end of this brief encounter, the pair were Facebook friends and making plans to hook up to play said game in the future. While I wouldn’t advocate laying out a token of all the things you’re interested in like a weird, religious shrine for others to see and remark upon, open planned spaces encourage and foster these kinds of interactions and I have found them to be a good way to meet people.

Internet dating

I once met a group of guys out one night on the roller derby scene and as the night progressed, my best friend and I hung out with them more and more and we bonded quite quickly. Drunkenly insisting one of our new found pals couldn’t possibly make the late night commute to his home- in another town an hour away, we forced the poor guy to spend the night on our too-small couch. Waking in the morning to see he’d since left but had neatly folded his sheets and blankets, placing them on said couch, and hadn’t made off with our TV, made us think he was an ok guy. Later on in the day, I’m flicking through potential suitors online and see someone who looks awfully familiar to our new found friend- we were a match! We thought this pretty funny and laughed ourselves silly and then we forced him to move in with us and we’ve been great friends ever since. While we were never romantic, as the site had intended in pairing us up, that person is now one of my best friends, and I’ve met other friends through him. So while internet dating can be , it’s not entirely unreasonable to use it to make friends.

A tip - while you may be tempted to invent romantic scenarios with this new person, or people, in your head- don’t. It isn’t that actively dating someone is a bad way of meeting friends, but you want your own friends and not temporary friends you’ll have to give up if the relationship doesn’t last. So you may have to sacrifice one hottie, and the relationship potential they have, in order to make, and remain, friends. .

So while it may seem daunting and an impossible task, it isn’t always doom and gloom when it comes to making friends as an adult. I hope this list has inspired you to look outside the box when it comes to making new friends. What did you think of this list? Have you tried any of these things? 

About Jamie-lee Owen

Jamie-lee Owen is a writer and raccoon lover. More of her work can be found at jleeowen.com

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Unless you are suffering at Christmastime, in which case you might want to jam stockings up your ears to avoid hearing one more overly-joyful overly-played holiday jingle!

The reality is that Christmas can be hard for some people. Really hard.

Anna and John Wilkins have not celebrated Christmas in years. After their daughter was suddenly killed in a car crash one year, the season of merriment has not yet appealed to the couple. 

"All those meaningful family traditions we had have just become painful reminders of Susie, and of everything that we have lost and missed since we lost her," explains Anna, who along with her husband, no longer puts up decorations, and actively avoids the holiday.

 Mourning the loss of a family member or friend can make the forced-cheerfulness and consumerism of the holiday season feel especially empty and meaningless.

There are other reasons for feeling sad at Christmas too.  Any struggle is amplified at Christmas, and add to that shorter days and a higher rate of Seasonal Affected Disorder, and things only get worse.

Whether it's a breakup, you're living alone in a new city, or if you are facing a struggle with a disease like cancer, advertisements that are constantly showing us happy scenes of perfect families can sometimes only show us what we are missing and enhance the pain from the season.

Even people without extraordinary struggles can feel worse at Christmas - sometimes money is tight, and with the super-high expectations of gifts, food, alcohol, and attending events demanding all these things, the cash-strapped can feel especially poor in a season of plenty.

Sometimes rebelling against a "traditional" Christmas is just the thing to do. 

If you must stay home

Listen to talk radio or a podcast

Radio has been described as one of the most personal forms of media. 

Even in today's modern Internet era, this is still true.

On a radio talk show or a good podcast. the host speaks directly to you. 

Radio programmers know that their listeners are usually listening alone, and the result is an intimate experience where you might feel comfortable and familiar with some of your favourite hosts, as if they are dear friends. 

A good radio show or podcast can be good company and good entertainment at the same time - a nice distraction from Christmas!

With podcasts, you can listen to entire marathons of your favourite programs, so if you are up all night, at least you are in good company!

Some great podcasts to try:

The NoSleep Podcast If you like horror fiction and radio drama, you will love this podcast! Short horror stories produced and narrated in a dramatic style - so much fun!

Myths and Legends Like most podcasts, you can listen to this one in any order. Learn the original versions of folk and fairy tales like Cinderella and King Arthur from narrator Jason who relays the stories with a dry and slightly sarcastic wit that is most entertaining while also being handy for conversation starters.

Take a walk or a hike

Look at the Christmas lights. Create background stories for the scenes you come across - the families rushing off laden with gifts and food, the happy reunions.

Hint - A casual glance towards a home's happy-window-Christmas-scene, with its lit-up tree and jammed full of revelers as you walk by is okay.  Try to avoid standing in front of any houses and staring straight into the window though, no matter how interesting the back story appears to be!

However, if peeking into many worlds of family togetherness is distressing and not amusing, skip the neighbourhood walk and go to a park or nature area instead.

Adopt a pet, a furry friend who is also lonely this Christmas.

Give it the best day ever. Take it on your winter walk. Feed him treats. If you can't commit to adopting a pet, there are many shelters who are desperately seeking "foster" parents - so foster a dog or cat for awhile.  They make great company!

Do a puzzle

If your mind is distressed, sometimes it can help to focus on an engaging task. 

Celebrate the way people of other faiths do..

Enjoy a nice meal at a Chinese restaurant.  Catch a movie a the theatres. (No one will see you alone in the dark theatre!)

Pull an Ebeneezer Scrooge (post-ghostly visits)

Spread joy to any less-fortunate souls you see that day. Load up some coffee gift cards, pack paper bags with treats, and offer them to anyone you see, who looks like they are having a worse Christmas than you.

Read to seniors

Many seniors living in these places have a lonely Christmas - sometimes they are not able to leave the care of their institution, and so they are without their families. Many of these seniors have lost many friends, maybe their spouse, and family members.

But you can still bring a little kindness into a senior's holiday. a nice old fashioned Christmas story.

Yes, it's festive, but giving kindness to someone lonely might just give you that needed feeling of classic joy this Christmas!

Make arrangements with a hospice, personal care home, or retirement village. Choose a classic novel or an old-fashioned book with a historic storyline that might bring a senior back to a simpler time that they might remember fondly. 

Many seniors, besides having a lonelier holiday than many, also have long given up hope for reading books. Vision loss and decreased mobility make it hard to turn pages and read. 

But stories are special, calming, and entertaining!  You can read to a senior one-on-one, or make arrangements for a microphone, and arrange with the care home staff to give a reading to a crowd on Christmas.

One great book choice for seniors? Try Christmas with Anne and other Stories, a wonderful Canadian collection of festive short stories set in the early 1900s. 

Use FriendMatch to connect with a new friend

Come onto FriendMatch and find someone else in the world who feels the same way you do.

If you can escape your town

Sometimes the easiest way to avoid your troubles is to just run away from them! 

Okay, that might not be the most responsible statement, but sometimes a temporary but instant solution is simply needed.  And December 24 is one of the cheapest days for air travel!

Here are some ideas for how to escape whatever is bothering you this Christmas:

Go Skiiing

Picture it; the pristine Canadian Rockies, fresh, sparkly powdery snow, the lifts are running, and they are drastically less busy than they will be in a few weeks. 

Christmas is the perfect season for skiing, and everyone has their favourite ski destination. 

Sure, you'll see a lot of snow and Christmas trees, but that doesn't mean you can't spend the whole day on the glorious mountain, and enjoy the frostiest beers and whatever meal you like in front of a warm fire apres-ski.

Go to the Beach

One year, Peter's wife left him right before the holoidays.

He was devastated, "I couldn't stand all the "merry this" and "good cheer" that when I felt so hearbroken, I had to get away.  And more than that, I didn't want to face my entire extended family at our usual gatherings and explain what had happened. I still didn't understand it myself!"

On a whim, Peter booked himself a week at a resort in Mexico.

Now married again, Peter and his wife spend every second Christmas away from home.

"Travelling at Christmas has become a new tradition to look forward to. We always go somewhere new and exciting, and we take advantage of great airfare and resort prices before the rush!"

It's even easier to forget about Christmas when you are sitting under a hot sun, drinking a margarita and reading a new book, (Self-care!) or snorkeling...

..or whatever you love to do when all your responsibilities are waiting patiently for you at home.

It can also be much cheaper to travel to a hot destination like Mexico for Christmas time - after the holidays, the rates for sun holidays go straight up.

Head to a city with Great Nightlife

If you want to be alone, but you don't want to feel alone, a good solution is to spend Christmas in a buzzing party city.  

Head to Miami for tons of culture, and a perhaps slightly toned-down version of a vibrant nightlife - in some places in the world, the streets are filled with music, art, and people - all kinds of interesting characters - to keep you company.  Grab a seat on Ocean avenue, order an iced coffee or a cuba libre and soak up the energy as you people-watch.

Other options of this sort include the French Quarter in New Orleans, Reykjavik in Iceland, and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

A recent study published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships examined the relationships with friends, neighbors, and extended family members, and compared the connections that single people had versus married couples. 

They found that on average, single people spend more time connecting with friends, neighbors, and relatives than married people.

Single people are more likely to give help to, receive help from, and stay in touch with siblings, friends, parents and neighbors than those who are married.

In fact, even if someone has a divorce, they will still spend less time with friends and neighbors, suggesting that the effects of a less social lifestyle can last beyond marriage.

(And maybe we should all be reaching out to our friends who have just gone through a divorce - they might need the company more than they know!)

The study results were able to rule out other factors, like age, kids, education, and income.

So why are married couples so antisocial?

The authors of the study have a few ideas:

•  People believe that their husband/wife is their soulmate, and should fulfill all social needs
• Single people may need to make more effort to fulfill their social needs since there is no one to socialize with at home
• Another theory? Maybe this is another one we can blame on our busy, modern society!

Married people might feel that by the time work/volunteering/the gym/whatever is caught up with (which is never), there is barely time left over to put into a good marriage relationship.

What do you think?

To see the study, check out this link:

http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407515597564

If you are married, and worried that you are socializing enough, The Newlywed Handbook (written by the editors of www.thenest.com), has some advice about double dating for married couples:

Turn friendly casual friends into new couple friends 

Do you know any cool couples who might be fun to hang out with? These could be friends-of-friends, friends from work, or volunteering, or even neighbors. 

See how you all might enjoy hanging out by starting with a fun activity that gives you lots to talk about, like an "Escape Room", or a ghost tour, or a Teppanyaki - style Japanese restaurant.

Make sure both genders enjoy the company

At first, either the girls or the guys will dominate the conversations and planning - likely the person who set up the connection. But with a bit of effort, you can all enjoy good bonds with new friends at the same time.

The group time will be more satisfying if the girls and the guys get along great - so if the husbands know each other through work, the ladies should eventually make an effort to email each other, and meet for lunch or coffee without the guys too.

Expand your group again!

Four people at a dinner party is great! Three couples is even more fun! If you get four couples - eight people - now you can use your full dishes set from your registry! 

Make sure to check out our other blog post, "Social tips for Couples"!

Do you think married people are lonelier than single people?

 Simple Ways to be a Good Neighbour

There is a known rule in the community-building playbook, "Start with Petunias".

If you want to transform your neighbourhood into the kind of thriving, safe, attractive, and pleasant community, it's best to start small. Plant flowers. 
Here are seven more small, simple things you can do to make your neighbourhood amazing:

1. Spend More Time in Your Front Yard or Front Step  

Jay Walljasper, in his book, "The Great Neighborhood Book", describes sitting on your front stoop a

"great city pastime that has become endangered", and notes that some historians feel that when we spend more time in the backyards, instead of our front yards, we are decreasing our connection with our neighbours. 

What are some ways to pass time in our front porch or steps? Watch the world go by, read the newspaper, have a beer, and wave at your neighbours! 

2. Go for Neighbourhood Walks  

You know that quote about how showing up is 99% of the effort you must put in? By strolling your neighbourhood, you are showing up, and that does a lot.

Not only is this good for your health, but it's good for the health of your community. When a community has locals taking regular walks, it is like having a neighbourhood patrol. An active and engaged neighbourhood is a neighbourhood that is monitored and safe - criminals usually prefer to go somewhere more quiet and deserted looking. 

3. Welcome New Neighbours

An old-fashioned tradition worth reviving! Drop by with a basket of muffins and introduce yourself.  Share helpful information about the neighbourhood. 

4. Celebrate Holidays and Seasons  

It's easy to get caught up in the chaos of everyday life, but the holidays and seasons are a good chance to be thoughtful and to brighten your community. 

The Great Neighborhood Book has many suggestions for ways to embrace the holidays and seasons; 

• Swap seedlings from your garden in the spring
• Organize a special trick-or-treat experience for the children at Halloween
• Coordinate Christmas decorations around the block with your neighbours - make ice lanterns, or decorate all the lamp posts.  
• Organize a caroling night complete with cookies and cocoa after.
• Make note of #5! 

5. Give Small Gifts  

Gifts for neighbours do not have to be elaborate but they are so rewarding to give! 

A basket of extra tomatoes from your garden will surely be appreciated by your neighbour who doesn't keep a garden.  Use your big snowblower to do your elderly neighbour's walkway. A box of homemade cookies. An offer to collect mail while your neighbour is on vacation.

Everyone has a gift to give. 

Be thoughtful with small gifts, and don't be surprised when you start receiving surprises and gifts too!

6. Take Your Kids to the Park  

It's another tried and true, old-fashioned action. Why mess with success? 

And if your neighbourhood park isn't that great... developing one might be a great project to pull together the community! 

7. Make it Great for Pets

Some green space, a safe walking path, a community water dish - according to Walljasper, a dog-friendly neighbourhood will have dog-walkers out at all hours. This is a wonderful way to prevent crime and meet new people.

Group trip? Consider renting an amazing house

There are some beautiful dream homes on Airbnb, and through other services such as Luxuryretreats.com, and dreamexoticrentals.com, you can rent an amazing mansion in a beautiful travel destination.

Once you split the cost among a group of friends, it can be very comparable to staying in a hotel or all-inclusive resort - sometimes it's even a much better value.

In some rentals, like this house rental that sleeps 24 and is priced between $1,500 - $5,940 per night, there is even a private chef included!

See the rest of this listing here: http://www.luxuryretreats.com/vacation-rentals/mexico/riviera-maya/soliman-bay/hacienda-caracol-111850 

Remember to take some good group photos

You don't have to do this for every meal, activity, or even day, but try to put aside a bit of time to take a couple of group photos, with everyone in the shot!  You will treasure these photos for years after your vacation. 

Or, just post them on Instagram, whatever makes you happy.

Don't do Everything Together on vacation

Whether you are a group of friends or a group of couple friends, it's important to put aside time for people to do their own activities and to get some time for themselves. 

This gives everyone a chance to rest for the next adventure!  Some friends might prefer to take a nap in the day, while another friend might prefer time to do a workout.

Couples who are vacationing with friends might appreciate a romantic dinner or excursion on their own once or twice.  If you mix up group and solo activities, everyone can spend their vacation doing what they love.

 Plus, if you are all together every second, you might run out of new things to talk about!  

As a recent article in Forbes online put it, "Not every activity needs to be a group activity." 

If you don't want to do an activity on vacation - skip it!

This is a bit like the above point, but it's important for group harmony.

If you would rather sit by the pool than go to an art gallery, let your friends know you'll catch up at dinner. You'll be better company if you are happy and relaxed than dragging your feet!

Have a planning meeting before the trip

Planning a trip is part of the fun! Meet before the trip to talk broadly about what kind of vacation everyone is hoping for. This will really help to make sure that everyone can get the kind of vacation that they want.

Maybe one friend wants to spend a good chunk of time sitting on the beach, while another wants to explore and sight-see. Talking about it ahead means no surprises while travelling!

You can also make the larger decisions about the trip while together in person to discuss it, ideally.

Talk about money before the trip

Because who wants to talk about money while on vacation? For ultimate harmony, Sonia Prades in an interview for Hindustan Times suggests that you work out a fair split of the major expenses; accommodation, transportation, and groceries.  

Other expenses, such as entertainment, drinks, and restaurants, should be individual expenses, not group expenses.

Keeping friends is easy when you don't split every cheque!

One more thing about Money and other details ..

Don't worry, be happy!  Tell yourself that anytime you feel a bit annoyed that one friend seems to tip less, or eat more, or whatever annoying quirks..  Just remind yourself that you're on vacation, so you will not let little things bug you!

If you don't like a behaviour of one of your travel companions, just be the bigger person and lead by positive example!

Be the friend you want to have - and that includes extra patience sometimes!

Do you know that problem you have as a couple where you just can't find something to watch on Netflix?

Wait a minute!  Maybe it's time to call up some mutual friends and go out! (With any luck, your friends will have some suggestions for new shows to watch..)

If you're wondering what a healthy, active and fun-filled social life might look like for a married couple, here is an infographic that can help you plan your free time and social life as a couple. 

What do you think of this schedule? Is it realistic for you?  Chime in below!

All types of people are choosing to be their own boss, and reaping many benefits.

I'm sure there is a lot of "office life" that these professionals do not miss- the grumpy boss, the strict hours, the politics.

But working at a company does offer one big perk- the chance to meet lots of people and make friends.

If you are self-employed, here are some tips to keep networking, making new connections, and meeting friends and new people.

Network within your industry

Join a networking group.  All kinds of industries have these networking groups, from the Canadian Public Relations Society for people in PR to the AIGA for graphic designers in America with 67 chapters across the country, to the ISPA organization that brings together people in the Internet industry in the UK, there's something for everyone!

These groups normally cost a small, tax deductible fee for membership, which will make you part of a community of professionals in your industry.  They often host networking events and workshops, great for business growth, networking, and meeting with other professionals like yourself!

Attend trade shows with business cards, conversation topics, and a positive attitude

Make it a goal to network with one person each week, meet for a coffee or lunch and talk about work, compare notes, or learn how to help each other

Host your own networking event.  For example, throw a drop-in holiday party for others in your industry, both clients and competition

Participate in Learning Opportunities

Sign up for a class that can give you new skills in your work, e.g. accounting, or presentations

 Join skills groups such as Toastmasters, a very social organization that helps you to build public speaking confidence, and also hosts conferences

Subscribe to news feeds from local organizations that support entrepreneurs in the community, for example the Women's Entrerepise Network, which regularly hosts workshops and networking events for entrepreneurs

Work out of a Shared Co-op workspace instead of home

These office buildings bring entrepreneurs together, allowing you to rent a cubicle and share the services of an administrative assistant, working alongside other self-employed business people

Be Charitable

The networking trick that keeps on giving, find something that inspires you and give back some time by becoming a volunteer!

I know someone who is a contractor, but would volunteer to be the bbq-er at an annual women's sports tournament, it was a great opportunity to have lots of conversations, show off his competence (he always ended up doing some kind of handy man thing, like help to set up a tent, or fix a sign), and spread the word about his services in a fun environment.

You've got your new house, your new driver's licence, your new job. But your real estate agent probably didn't help you to make new friends from your new neighborhood!  If you are wondering how to meet new people after you move- or maybe you didn't move, but you'd still like to expand your social network- here are a couple of ideas!



Volunteer for something you care about
This is a great way to meet new people.  As a bonus, the people you meet here probably care about the same things you do, making a great spark for a friendship. There are all kinds of volunteering opportunities out there, at animal shelters, working with seniors, neighborhood beautification committees, coaching sports, planning fundraising events, there are almost as many opportunities as interests so it's easy to find something that you might enjoy!

 Get a Part-Time Job
Maybe you don't need a job. Well, you can always lose the job and keep the friends you make there! Sometimes serving tables or pumping gas can be a handy way to make new friends, as you bond with coworkers and meet people in the neighborhood without worrying about office politics or taking work home with you.  (BTW, this is the only idea of the five that actually pays you money.)

Join a Community Class
If you are a new parent you could try a "Mommy and me" class to meet other new parents- there is a strong chance that other people will be there solo as well, and you'll already have something in common.  Or take a zumba class and have a laugh while you bond over the shared experience.  Try a painting class and meet other aspiring artists.  A chance to learn something and meet people at the same time!

Start walking or jogging around your new neighborhood
By walking around, not only will you familiarize yourself with your new neighborhood, but you can also observe who else is in the community.  Go frequently and you might start passing by your neighbors, noting which ones are similar to you in age, or in interests.  If  you pass some neighbors frequently, it is only a matter of time before you become familiar to each other, and then the next step is getting to know each other!

Join a Sports Team
It doesn't have to be serious or competitive. Casual or "beer" leagues exist for all age groups and all levels of experience.  Today's "soccer mom" might be defined as a woman who plays soccer, as in some places participation in women over 35 is rising rapidly.  Baseball beer leagues are always looking for more players, both men and women.  It's fun, and it is a chance to meet a whole team of potential new friends!


Have you found an effective way to meet new people? Please share in the comments below!

One thing that can be said about The Sims, the game did put a lot of value on friendship!

Friendship has always been a powerful tool in The Sims, and to do well in its simulated life, a Sim should pursue new friendships and maintain old ones. When this happened, a Sim's career, health, and happiness all did better! 

Some more tips learned from The Sims:

Friends and Fun are as important as Eating and Sleeping.

Yup, when maintaining your sims health and happiness, the bar that measured input for fun and social activities carried as much weight as the bar that measured if your sim was hungry, tired, or had to go to the bathroom. 

With recent studies coming out to show that good friendships actually do make people live longer, healthier, happier lives, they must have been on to something!

Friendships are like plants; if you don't water them, they die.

Ah, the poetry of The Sims.  Through metaphors, we were taught that we must work actively to maintain our friendships - that means calls, visits, and good quality time.  It's a simple formula, but still probably more effective than just liking your buddie's Facebook posts..

It's nice to share gifts sometimes.

Remember when your sim would get a visit from a friend, and that friend would coming bearing a small gift, like a plant or some chocolates?  That gift was always happily received!

While the Sims were at one time pretty traditional in their gifts, there are so many small gifts we can bring when visiting our friends - some fresh produce from your garden, in a little basket, a batch of homemade cookies, a funny souvenir from your vacation - surprise and delight your real-life friends with small gifts from time to time, and you, too, can be a good friend like your old sim neighbours and friends!

Your friends can help you reach your career goals.

In the Sims, to get that next promotion, there was always a friends requirement. (Unless you had a good cheat code.)

In real life, friends can help you with your career too - they can help you find a job, volunteer for your company event, or just be there to listen to you complain about your boss.  

That can't be all of them!

What did I miss? Comment below!